I think it’s important to have closure in any relationship that ends – from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase. – Jennifer Aniston
I am really stupid when I fall in love. Yes, it’s really shameful to admit but it is the reality and yes, I admit I never learned my lesson when it comes to love. Whenever I get into a relationship I always give my all; time, effort, love, everything! I never leave anything for myself and tend to make my whole world revolve around that particular person. That is why when things get out of hand and to a point of we need to part ways, I always end up having a hard time moving on. Just like my recent break up; it really tore me to pieces when he decided to part ways with me. It felt like I was in hell because aside from the breakup my work contract has just ended at that time. So, I was jobless and heartbroken.
I cried for a month or two, I kept on thinking about the memories that we shared (good or bad), I kept on trying to contact him wanting and begging to get back with him, I wanted to die or kill myself, I would always blame myself for everything, I would kept on thinking about him, I wasn’t able to sleep properly, I would lock myself in my room and cry the whole day and would really get angry all of a sudden. In short, I became or would become a pathetic lunatic human being.
And then, I told myself that I can’t be like this forever. I went on a retreat; I spend time alone for me to be able to think clearly and also did some reflections. During those times I disconnected myself from people, especially to social media (FB, IG, Tweeter, etc). I slowly released the anger I had within me by forgiving him. In order for me not to think about him I tried to kept myself busy by doing the things I love to do; I went back to scrapbooking, experimental cooking, exercising, I did some DIY recycling projects, I went back to writing poetries and stories, I also decided to make a blog to keep me occupied with something else. I admit that I would still cry over him during these times most especially if I remembered some good memories with him. But I never stopped myself from crying; it’s okay to cry most especially if you’re in lots of pain and of course we are just humans. I let myself cry but after that I would pull myself back together. I also try to think positive all the time from the time I wake up until I need to go to sleep.
Now, I can say that even though the pain is still there and yes, I still cry at times but not as terrible as before. The retreat that I did had somehow helped me find the closure and peacefulness in my heart. The pain is still there but my heart is slowly healing and had learned to let go. There are still some questions in my mind but I don’t want to rush things I know time will help with the healing of wounds and to find the answers that I need. For now, I am just simply happy and thankful that I was able to get back on my feet much faster than with my previous breakups.
Picture taken from Google..